~6th feb 2010~

will not be adding new posts to blogger, so all my updates will be added on to this post :D

gotten my microdermal done today :D




i have troubled esther again, and i am extremely troublesome, so im very grateful to her! she helped me take a video, i have uploaded it to youtube, but my side view is so ugly i'll post it up another day haha. my face looks like a potato from the side.

my micro is slightly off centre i think, but i still love it! my mom isn't pleased with it, she got pretty mad for a while. but now she's ok again. maybe i may have more bargaining power in future once i start working and earning my own keep :) so no more piercings until some time later! but right now i don't have any in mind actually, so im ok :) probably more microdermals in future :)


/// quick edit ///

blogger is stupid and it's gonna end it's ftp services!
what is it?
basically ftp is something like a program where you upload things onto your website and i am using blogger to blog (in case anyone doesn't know) and i use blogger's ftp service. means i blog, blogger creates the codes and files for me and automatically uploads it to the server where my site is on, i.e. publish my blog for me on inoru.net.

but apparenly ftp service is costing blogger tons of money and it only serves a very small population of bloggers and so blogger is discontinuing it! it means that i can no longer use blogger.

i have decided to switch to wordpress and am in the process of setting up a wordpress blog. i am using a test blog to edit all my coding currently, and soon (maybe a couple of weeks later) i will delete inoru.net/log for a short while, install wordpress on it and will put all the files back, so there will be a short time where this page will disappear when i do all the transferring.

it'll be weird to change to a different blogging program. i am sad. don't wish to change, blogger is easy to use, but i have no choice :( im trying to keep the url the same though.

/// end of edit ///

results are gonna be out in less than a month's time! i wanna pass EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING! i hope god is reading this post PLEASE LET ME PASS EVERYTHING!!!!

anyway im back to running! YAY. covered a distance of 4350m yesterday (psst it includes 870m of walking hee) i really need a boost so that i can cover 6km on sunday! till now i never in my entire life ran 6km at one go before! the most was 5220m which was over a week before (before i fell sick and was banned from running for more than a week) and my momentum is messed up now!

today is friday.

i feel so tired! i have a stiff neck today. i am sleeping using a very thin and flat pillow now because when it is thin and flat my ears do not really hit the pillow even when im sleeping on my side, so that my ears can heal properly. i am also trying to sleep on my back more, getting used to it. but i think this is also the cause of my stiff neck today :(

today is sunday.

I RAN 6KM!!!

ok not the entire 6km but i think i walked less than 200m in total, so it's really not bad!! really needed a lot of mental strength! i am weak, i know many people can run very long distances but personally the longest i ran w/o stopping was 3.4km but this time round i ran at least 5km before i even started walking and i walked for less than 2 min in total! (estimate) so it's very good for my standard!!

haha but esther is better. i am very weak! haha

omg i am sooooo in love with this song shinki! i recently bought kisaki project's eien no yume cds and it had jui-only version of shinki in it (didn't have this song in my folder previously, only had the original version) and i prefer this version so much more than the original version (with the other 2 terrible sounding vocalists, jui only sang the chorus in the original ~.~) but this version goshhhhh it's so nice~~~~ jui's voice is strong and gentle at the same time and i am totally in love with his voice!!! and i also like the rest of the remade songs, normally i don't like songs remade but the newer versions of the kisaki project songs in the cds are pretty good. like them as much as the originals. i love kisaki project (don't fancy kisaki or phantasmagoria, but his kisaki project songs are brilliant).

I AM IN LOVE WITH JUI'S VOICE!!!!!! listening to it is like dying a slow sweet death.

^ hahaha sounds damn funny but that's how i feel. i know it doesn't make much sense, but his voice is so sweet yet he's not singing in front of you but you are dying to hear him live that it's killing you but his voice is so gorgeous and sweet at the same time you can't stop listening to it.


i am so selfish with my scan!! anyway jui is so gorgeous here he used to be so gorgeous in the past!!! he is still gorgeous now but i prefer his past look.

i like this pic of me :D i look so young here!!!


sherlene thinks i look nicest in this very ancient picture of me (more than 3 years back)


hopefully once i have to have black hair again i'll go back to looking like that.

victoria song is so pretty!!


victoria <3

add on to this post.

my microdermal stud came today. i gotten 2 tiny ones. which should i use? both are about 2.5mm in diameter. i hope they can be used, unless there's a reason that small studs can't be used initially, maybe they may get swallowed by the skin? haha i dunno. my anchor has not arrived yet.

pink tourmaline stud.


alexandrite stud.


alexandrite stud would be easier to hide (during work in future), although i really love the colour of pink tourmaline. gems are of different sizes cuz both are of different designs. right now im inclined towards the pink tourmaline stud.

and yesterday my eyelash curlers (bought from sasa online shop) came! they're point eyelash curlers, which only curl section by section (because normal curlers always do not catch all my eyelashes! and my lashes turn out ugly using normal eyelash curlers. im so happy! i can finally have pretty curled lashes!

eyelash curler 1


eyelash curler 2


curler 1 is harder to use/control. but with curler 2 i can't reach certain parts because im right handed and i can't bend my arm enough to hold the 'tweezer' at the right angle. so with both, i get to curl all my lashes nicely! this is the result:



the bottom of the curlers touch my eyeball when i use them though, so i have to be slow and careful while using them. but i think i'll get better with practice :D

and yesterday my mom made this mini kitty plush for me after being inspired by this shop on etsy.

:D

{original post on 19 jan 2010 9:06pm}

i really don't feel very good now. my nose is running less, my throat feels way better now but im feeling lethargic at the moment.

and i have not ran since friday. it's tuesday now and i think i am losing my stamina and i need to be able to run 6km in a go by the end of the month!! i hope i can quickly regain my stamina. hopefully i can go run tomorrow, my mom did not allow me to run on sunday.

it's thursday now and it seems that i have not gotten well yet. just came back from school and i think im getting more sick. i really feel extremely tired right now, every movement i make zaps a lot of my energy. maybe it's because i didn't take lunch today. but normally i can go w/o lunch pretty well. i think being sick+skipping lunch is not a good combination.

but during noon time i finally went to pierce my ear!! esther is so sweet to accompany me, another friend was supposed to go with me but something cropped up for her and esther volunteered to go with me. she is so nice!! i feel like a piece of crap that does not deserve people's kindness. everytime someone is nice to me i feel like shit but when people are horrible to me i feel like a even worse piece of shit. ahh whatever i do, whatever others do my self esteem has just been spiralling down and down and down recently. i really wish i can be a better person and treat others better but i think im so horrible and repulsive and people are better off hating me, although if they did i'll feel completely terrible!

so this is my ear now

yes it is not photoshopped! it is real! im so happy! esther says she does not get this kind of happiness but when i pierce although i get happy but it's very temporary and i think right now im having mood swings and other than short bursts of happiness here and there i really feel horrible.

and the piercer is very friendly!!! but esther says he looks 'unreliable' hahaha!! i think maybe it's because he was lazing around before we entered and was doing things in a very relaxed manner?? haha. but out of the three piercers whom have pierced my ear so far i think he's the best (that's why i came to this shop). however i hope he was not irritated with me because i was mumbling a lot of nonsense. and and my rook piercing didn't hurt at all (i think together with my snug it was the least painful out of all. im coming to a conclusion that 16g piercings hurt less than 14g piercings). i was expecting it to hurt like crazy. however my outer conch HURT LIKE CRAZY!! ok not crazy i guess i can still take the pain but it's quite a lot more painful than i imagined! i thought the outer conch would be painless and it turns out that i am very wrong!! i could finally feel the crunchy feel others describe their piercings, out of all my piercings this is the only one where i can feel the needle crunching it's way though my cartilage. i could also feel the jewelry doing the same. however the pain went away pretty fast and completely subsided in about 15 min. now it's months and months of healing time awaiting me!

anyway i feel a little less tired now that ive eaten my dinner. i really want to recover by this weekend! i think i should sleep early today. im going off now, i feel really unwell right now.

im thinking of getting a microdermal.

i wanted one a lot just 2 days ago. i want it less now, but im still sort of interested in it. but right now ive got one whole week to think about it as my piercing would be done next thursday instead (messed up appointment, the piercer is in hongkong!), and i'll ask more questions on having a microdermal then (im not getting it done yet. only enquiring more about it). if i ever get one, it'll be the closest to a body mod i'll ever get (since it is technically an implant. and i don't count piercings or tattoos as body mods) and im not crazy enough to get anything more than a microdermal. anyway this piercer is the one who pierced my snug over a year and a half ago :D i don't think he remembers me, but i think he's good at piercing! :D

this was before my snug piercing

(piercer helped me clean up the mess from my industrial haha) seriously why was my haircut so nice last time :( it doesn't seem as nice now :(

the piercing


and the needle in my ear


thanks to rouhua who helped me take the pictures :D

ok today is friday and i have ordered microdermal jewelry so it's almost confirmed i'll get a throat mirodermal. but i chose a 2.5mm gem so it's very small and hopefully my parents won't notice it hahaha. and hopefully small jewelry will not snag onto stuff too. and i hope it's sparkly sparkly sparkly!!!

hope the jewelry arrives fast! but i think it'll take at least 2 weeks. and another week for appointment. so i'd probably have to wait for about 3 weeks i think. it'll be right before my birthday :D

im so excited :D


anyway i decided that IM GONNA HAVE PINK HAIR AGAIN :D
i would not have to deal with the heartbreak of not being a pinkhead :D

today is saturday.

i have dyed my hair pink!!!! it looks like a dark bright pink now. in one week's time it'll probably fade to neon pink, then in 2 week's time rosy pink, then in about 5 ~ 6 week's time a light pink.

gosh i really can't wait for my microdermal to come. im giving it 2 weeks, it better arrive by then!!! i want my microdermal!!!! gosh i am getting very impatient.

today is sunday.

i am falling sick.

i wanna get well better so my immune system isn't compromised on thursday! i hope my package from http://www.bodyartforms.com (all my aftercare needs) will come on monday or tues. usually intl priority mail takes 10 days to come here. my microdermal on the other hand is by first class mail which i think can take up to 3 weeks ~.~ (got 2 such packages before, one took one week, one took 2 weeks, i hope my microdermal will take only one week so i can get it done as soon as possible) this is the microdermal i bought industrial strength microdermal. i wanted an anatometal one cuz apparently they are more lasting, but i can't find any shop that sells anatometal micros, so i think IS will do.

this is stupid im eating breathing sleeping microdermals the past few days and im so distracted as you can see my mind is all about microdermls and unless it's done i cannot go back to normal and study properly! :(

i think anymore of what i write will all be about my wait for my microdermal so i better stop here. haha. byebye!

just bleached my roots yesterday.


for the hair at the front i did it quite well, except i piled on more at the end and the back i think it's pretty ok. my hair is really strong, after all the abuse ive been giving it the past half a year it's still holding up very well! doesn't break, it is dry but my hair has always been dry way before this, and it isn't brittle at all! gonna dye my hair ashy light brown soon, i will really miss my pink hair, i like my pink hair a lot :( i love my hair colour right now! but it'll be brown soon :( don't ask me why im even planning to dye it brown when i want pink hair forever. i don't know what im doing actually.

i find it very easy to do my hair, the only thing i hate about it is that i have to remove all my piercing jewelry all the time and after bleaching my hair my snug piercing will get extremely irritated (probably from the taking out and putting in of the jewelry and the bleach getting onto the piercing) and will be sore for the next couple of weeks ~.~

anyway ive decided not to get an anti tragus piercing because i think it's gonna interfere with my sleeping on the right side in the long run and i find it very troublesome. so im only gonna get 2 piercings on thursday :D im so happy :D

im gonna have to buy some more piercing jewelry soon, i intend to upgrade to high quality jewelry that costs USD 20 to 50 per piece, and i'll need at least 7 pieces of jewelry once i get my 2 piercings done, im gonna be so broke. im already broke.

i really really really need to pass all the papers i took this round so that i can go for internship to earn some money back. i really wanna pass all!!!

first week of school has started. school is ok, except there's something that's making me feel dreadful. gosh thinking about it is already making me feel very very dreadful.

i got a new wardrobe today! it's gonna come on tuesday! :D i need a wardrobe so badly! i have a pretty big one in my room, but at least 60% of it is filled with towels, bags, jackets, clothes which are not mine!!! and one drawer is purely for my cosmetics, so ive got very little wardrobe space :( now i have my own wardrobe! :D

anyway im starting to run regularly again :D hopefully i can keep it up, so i can be slimmer! :D it's also good for my breathing and stamina.

http://www.everydayhealth.com/calories-burned-running.htm
calculator for calculating calories burned running. i burned 167 calories today :D

today is sunday.

did a mini spring cleaning of my room. had to shift furniture to accomodate the new wardrobe. there's so much so much so much dust behind all the heavy cupboards shifted!! ~.~ my dad said it looked like sheep wool haha. and i am so tired right now after one whole day of furniture shifting and room cleaning!

oh. i got more amazing amateur photography.




im sure you guessed it by now. they're contact lens! they're my first expired pairs of air optix aquas!



i know my hand is fat and stumpy.

and it's very hard to get them into this shape! i can't do it when they're the right side up, so i have to flip them the wrong side up so that they're stiffer. even so, you can see that i didn't form this shape properly.



and against the light


and since it looks like a pair of lips i decided to add a pair of eyes haha.


sorry ive wasted some of your time. i like taking weird pictures.

this is my everyday look now.

my hair looks gross though after one day ~.~

and my soon to be right ear <3 just 4 more days! :D

have already ordered a mini lot of piercing aftercare. hopefully they come soon after i pierce. i intend to make this round's piercings heal fast!!!

30th dec wasn't as bad as i thought it would be.

on the train on the way to town, i felt like shit. i felt like the worst person in the train, felt very down, felt small, felt useless.

well but for a few reasons, the day turned out pretty good and i cheered up. although i wasted my money on treasure hunter and i still don't understand what the hell the movie was about. it's complete nonsense! (but it was the only movie that fit our time schedule, we had no choice)

i wanna get 3 more piercings. an outer conch, a rook, and an anti-tragus, all for my right ear. will do it once i get my hair/roots done first. $$$$$$$$$$$$. i need $$$$$$$$$$.

i need more self esteem. i feel like a completely useless and lousy person, and i hate my character quite a lot because i am very inconsiderate and rude and horrible towards others. the only thing i like about my character is that i am straightforward and honest and have integrity. other than that, not really.

ok i did a photoshop of my ear, how it would look like if i got the 3 piercings i wanted. now that i look at my photoshop ear, it does kind of look messy. maybe i'll choose micro jewelry so that it doesn't crowd my ear too much.

current right ear:


photoshopped with 3 extra piercings. i love my photoshop!! it looks so real :D:D:D


haha but my 'new ear' looks very crowded and dotty and messy.

and i took pictures of my makeup process! this lenses are one of my most enlarging pairs, so the difference it makes is a lot. most of my lenses don't give me such a big difference in how my eyes look.



in the last picture i took out the lens from my right eye to show a comparison. but my eyes don't show good comparison cuz my uneven eyelids make them look more uneven than they should be. and my eyeshadow is practically invisible. haha.

and no i don't look like that after picture anymore since i hardly wear circle lenses now. i look more like the picture i posted a few post before where my hair was covering half my face.

i can't believe it's already 2010. i remember when i was 14 or 15 i thought 2010 was very far away and i'll never reach my 20s and but see now im gonna be 22 soon. time really flies and i seem to be wasting a lot of it!

i love love love the song on my radio blog. what can be better than a great anime with characters you love? a great anime with characters you love with awesome soundtracks! i love weiss kreuz songs <33333 i wish im as talented as people who write such nice music!

anyway ive borrowed 4 adobe illustrator books from the library more than a month ago and till now ive not even started practising!! i feel so lazy! i wanna practise, but i can't seem to get off my lazy butt to go do it.

school is starting next week. means ive got very little time left to be in a state of being able to do nothing yet not worry about it. as in, if school started and if i did nothing and don't study i would get worried although it doesn't mean i have the motivation to study but at least right now there's a few more days of having completely no worries at all haha.

i type a bit, and everything is gone.

i am so tired.
i hate crowds. i hate crowds to death.
i hate scriptwriters cuz many of them are big blockheads and their dramas always turn out the exact opposite of how i want them to turn out!

on the positive side, my exams are over and i am temporarily free from studying and can hibernate at home. home is the best place to be. my ambition is to be a full time hermit, but that's not possible.

you know, the weirder i look, more and more people approach me. from young kids to old grandmothers, some who give me compliments to those who talk nonsense. apparently i don't look so scary anymore? people used to be scared of me! i thought i had an unfriendly expression plastered on all the time, but i think now most people seem to think otherwise!

but ive been considering going back to looking normal again. normal not so layered dark hair, ok actually other than that i can't think of anything about me that's not normal. but those old days hold the worst memories for me. maybe it'll be better as it'll allow me to fade into the background. i like being in the background, but i hate being undifferentiated. this is contradicting.

im living with many contradictions.

right now im sitting here and feeling bored but i feel so lazy right now i can't be bothered to find something else to do.

i want a white christmas!
i want a white christmas!
i want a white christmas!
white, white, white and full of snow!
a white christmas would be a dream come true!

this song miracle starter really gets me into a snowflakey mood! actually there are quite a few songs out there that get me into a snowflakey mood, but i'll put them up one by one.

it really pisses me off till no end on how some people have completely (maybe not completely, but to me it's bad enough) no integrity!

anyway. right now im in a situation where im dragging on pseudo friendships. im sure everyone will face this kind of situation once in a while. friendships that you don't care about, but are sort of obliged to continue. and the most dreadful moment comes when one person's birthday is looming near. you don't want to go, but if you don't go you feel extremely bad.

i have 2 such pseudo friendships right now. someone just has to be the bad person and make the first move to end it. i hope everything can end well because i am sick and i am sure they are sick of continuing this meaningless game. the dreadful day is coming up next week.

and the same time people you never thought you can talk with can turn out to be the total opposite given the right situation. friends seem to move up and down the different levels friendships you have categorised, consistently, and this is a never ending cycle.

and i don't like another group of people. people who think they know me very well or they keep making assumptions of me. too bad they don't know i am so sick of them. even talking to them in a sarcastic manner doesn't seem to help and there they are thinking they're so smart and witty and i dunno. and they also love to report about me to me! regularly! i don't need any updates on myself!

today is a new day again. i just woke up. it's tuesday!

im not looking forward to the new term.

one of my lessons are gonna be at a new place.

and it's in town! hopefully there won't be many people around town during days i have lessons! but the good thing is that i can shop whenever im there.

anyway i just did a Color Acuity test!

do try it! i have perfect color acuity! (i can tell colours apart perfectly)


it's quite fun! but you must be patient and not rush through it. and make sure you have a good monitor screen that produces colours accurately!

but the test was quite difficult actually! i had problems telling some colours apart sometimes, but i managed to get it all right! :D if i did the test again im not even sure if i can get back a perfect score again. it's that difficult! (this is my one and only time doing this test)

im sure if there was a tonal acuity test for music, i'd get a perfect score! my ears absolutely cannt stand just the slightest bit of dissonance (as in when it's not supposed to be there. music with dissonance on purpose are ok with me) or when anything goes just slightly out of tune. my ears are better at telling tones than my eyes are at telling hues, actually. but it seems that my eyes are already perfect :D:D

haha ive been making quite a few silly videos.

my ciba vision air optix aquas, my new love!


and how to look like you've got a large iris w/o circle lens


extremely superficial. whatever. (my friend always say i use whatever when im at a loss of words while trying to defend myself. i agree haha)

isn't whatever a useful word?

5 more days to the end of exams! im feeling extremely drained now, i just want it to be over as soon as possible!

then im gonna trim (not cut. im still being a wimp) my hair after that. it's getting a little bottom heavy. and i really want to rebond my fringe, but i think i can't.

today is a weird day.

i burnt my hand in the morning trying to make coffee.

there is a huge bruise on my knee and i don't know why.

and this morning while i was still in bed, my eyebrow bone hurt a lot and i don't know why. it's as if there is a lump of pain floating up and down my eyebrow (yes it kept moving from left to right and back to left) and it was so painful. it seems like my eyebrow has a mini spasm.

but today i managed to stay awake (i didn't fall asleep, not even once!) in the library! this is like the only time i remember not falling asleep while studying. normally i think at least 30% of my studying time is spent falling asleep.

i was telling sherlene a list of stuff i wanna do. i realise my list is very long, and ive not started on any. and it's unlikely i'll start on any soon :( but well, i can dream.

what i wanna do:

1. learn the guitar!!!! -> most important!
(the rest are in any order)
2. learn german (rouhua wanna learn too)
3. finish learning japanese
4. learn fashion design/sewing
5. learn how to use adobe illustrator and create a piece of art that does not look amateurish
6. learn music engineering

it seems my list is pretty short actually. i can't think of anything else for the moment.

but here is my extended list:

8. be a better person (this is too vague i guess)
9. do not get agitated easily or get angry at little things
10. have a softer voice (without having to control it!)
11. be more considerate to others
12. have more compassion
13. have more perseverance in the things i do
14. be smarter, more witty, more quick thinking, more street smart.
15. be able to think before i speak.
16. be more sociable
17. be charismatic

and lastly, my ambitious wishlist!

18. have my own home. completely paid up.
19. have a kitty
20. have a car
21. being able to live comfortably for the rest of my life w/o worrying about money, housing, health problems, or any other problems that exist.
22. jet set around the world
23. help others generously with lots of time and money
24. retire early and open my own shop

doesn't sound very possible.


this is my avatar on Gaia. i like it a lot, it's so cute! and it looks like me ^^

im watching liar game 2 now (bits of pieces because i have to study) and akiyama is so so so charismatic! i also like nao (erika toda). i wanna watch more dramas, i want my exams to end now now now now now >(

yesterday i saw a very good little boy in the bus! he sat beside me, i think he looks 7 or 8 (i am very bad at telling ages for young kids). another boy dropped his stuff and this little boy helped him pick it up. then when i had to alight he even came up from his seat to let me get out! (personally i would just turn to the side) he went all the way to the standing area so i would have enough space to walk on the aisle!

so nice right!

i don't meet many such kids nowadays. most kids nowadays only throw tantrums, learn bad habits from their irresponsible parents and shove their way through and are unhelpful.

and he is so young, i am impressed!!

i love these two pictures of me :D



i love my hair here!!! but of cuz everyone knows my hair is not like this because in less than half an hour it will start curling and going crazy. but it looks so nice just right after blow drying. and my skin is not discoloured!!! i have to face the window to get light but my hand+camera is in front of my face and always make me end up looking like ive got a moustache!

and today i had a really really bad hair day. my hair was completely flat at the top but puffy at the bottom and i look like a toadstool.

and look at this scary thing!


i wonder what it is? it's big and poofy and fuzzy o__o

i wanna be a milder person with a much softer voice! my family keeps on complaining about my loud voice! i can't control it! i have to purposely speak so soft just to make it sound normal like others and it is very irritating! and i need to be milder too, i need to mellow down and let my emotions run wild all the time.

my exams are starting in a week's time!!!

and i love my new contact lens :D they give my eyes sooooo much oxygen! and my eyes don't get red anymore and i can wear them for over 14 hours safely :D (im using air optix now)

i love beautiful minors <333333

i love my pink hair more and more! although ive been getting more criticisms than compliments for it. but i like it and when you like it you just go for it! i love my coloured contacts too :D i want purple real eyes!

and ive gotten my new glasses! :D


my face looks dark at the bottom right part cuz my hand is blocking light from the window. the lenses are a little big, but it's not really a problem cuz its frameless and isn't that visible. and my hair is ugly and has a weird shape at home!! i know many people don't like frameless glasses (a lot of people nowadays seem to fancy thick black plastic glasses or those with a wide band at the side) but i like them! they're so understated! (and bring out my eyes) :D


bare faced late at night. my hair is so straight and nice after my shower, and the side does not flick up. too bad it turns crazy and horrible when i wake up in the morning! i really cannot stand the way my hair keeps flicking up at the side!!!


no circle lens :D im slowly trying to get used to it :D

anyway i want short hair again, but here are two problems. firstly, if i don't like it, it'll take at least 2 years for it to grow back. secondly, my hair will be more poofy and take on a even weirder shape. the long hair helps to weigh the hair down so it's a little straighter when its long. although most of my hair is actually short, only the bottom part is long.

my exams are starting on dec 14th!!!!!

i feel so unprepared. i cannot study at home!! i wished i had more motivation, i wish i can force myself to study! i need to go to the library. i wish someone would go to the library with me :( but my friend says i can study with her! :D but she lives so far off, but i guess i'll go meet up with her next thursday. but i don't like studying in fast food restaurants!

i wanna study!!! i don't hate my subjects. when i was young i used to dread school. but every since last year, no longer. but i still can't make myself study. self discipline is so elusive to me!

i find this video very funny! klean kanteen - it's more than just water


and there's a new kitten that lives at my school! ahhhhhhhhhhhhh i am dying to get my own home and a kitten!! i need a windfall.

i love this stalking cat!


btw i love the song on my blog! i don't know much about the band though. don't know how they look like etc. some but really small indie bands (which have only 3 or 4 songs and last only less than a year or something) come out with pretty good songs, though rarely.


jui only gets more gorgeous as time passes! <3

im so happy!

today i got new bras (haha i like getting new bras. but they're so expensive!!!!! thank gdness my mom pays for them!), a very nice new bag (which has like 5 big comparments it looks very interesting!), a top and a skirt, and a klean kanteen bottle (it is soooooo cute!!! and veryyyyyyy expensive and no i paid for it myself not my mom). and this weekend (or next) im gonna make new glasses :D


klean kanteen: the original eco-friendly, bpa-free, reusable stainless steel water bottle ^^
http://www.kleankanteen.com/


bagggg! it's a little bizarre, but i like it!


in the dressing room of the shop, this is the top i bought ^^



my hair looks neon! everyone seems to think it's red. but it's so pink!!!

and i have some amateur photography. i like to take weird pictures. these are of my contact lens. filled it up with solution, on the verge of spilling out.




it is art!! :D
it's not easy to take such nice clear pictures cuz my hand which was holding the lens bracket (of my ultrasonic lens cleaner haha. i didn't want to put the lens in my hand cuz i just gave it a round of washing) was trembling a little and the solution could spill out anytime. and i put as much solution on the lens it could take without spilling.

and everyone keeps on thinking my mom is my friend. seriously, she doesn't look that young!!!!!

and this is the cat that lives near my school.

i like this cat a lot!! it looks like a mini lionness. and it's very friendly :D there's another cat that lives with it but it can't be bothered with anyone. too bad the friendly cat often disappears and it can't be found most of the time. but the other cat is always there.

i really want a cat when i grow up!!!!!!! but until i can afford to buy my own place, it's just a distant dream.

gotta go now. it's 02:39am.

yay 2 new videos.

im not wearing circle lens or eyeliner here. (and i don't wear any makeup other than eyeliner so no makeup too. you can see my pimple!! it looks like a mole hahaha.)


talking about having no money to buy clear contacts. i just spent over USD 100 on 3 weiss kreuz photobooks. they came today! :D


being lame but feeling happy i look ok.

maybe these two videos don't mean a lot to anyone else, but they mean a lot to me because eyeliner and circle lens have changed me psychologically and it feels really horrible to be very dependent on them and feel like shit when you don't have them on.

mini photo spree to boost my confidence ^^ i wanna be able to go out of the house like this one day! the most i can do right now is without eyeliner but with circle lens. lets wait till i buy my clear lens.




here are my weiss kreuz photobooks! ive not opened them yet. they're second hand, but they look so new!!!! bought them from a japanese ebay seller.


all bubble wrapped!


gosh aya is sooooooooo damn good looking!

i also got the soul driver set which contains 2 photobooks and a poster.

<3 im so happy <3

this is gonna sound unbelievable because i am pretty tongue tied around most people, but my friend does not want to go to the library with me cuz we'll just end up chatting and chatting and chatting for the whole day and not study. i don't know, but there are a couple of people i can just talk non stop with the entire day and i really mean the entire day non stop. haha it's very funny. we'll talk about our teachers, how fat they are, then they can do belly dancing, then can have navel piercings, then i wanna set up a fan club for my teacher, and my friend is like then we can make merchandise, make the teacher a belly dancing toy doll with a wobbly stomach. gosh. it's like all crap but i can just go on and on and on and the topic will evolve and become extremely ridiculous and totally different from what it originally was. haha. somehow i don't think of such crazy stuff and im not so imaginative when im with other people. haha~

i wanna bleach my hair soon again, the roots are extremely obvious right now! im gonna use up my pink dye too, so i'll have pink hair again, soon! can't wait, i miss pink hair~~~~

this is not my first picture using my tablet. it is my second. the first looks really too amateurish! this is aya of weiss kreuz.

this is the original pencil drawing:



i prefer the pencil drawing to the one drawn with the tablet and coloured. it has more character i think haha.



i scanned in the picture and retraced the lines and it is not easy to retrace the lines using a tablet cuz you're drawing on one surface and the image appears on another! took a pretty long time to retrace the entire picture.

to see the larger version (i had to resize it to fit the column) click here

i am in love with aya! haha.

anyway jui should be aya. i will put picture comparisons in my next post. actually i thought yu-ki of lolita23q looked more like aya but esther said jui. well now i think she's right. haha. people i like all happen to have a similar look. haha!

i want to buy my clear acuvue lenses again. i wanna get rid of my dependence on circle lens. i wanna try freshlook radiance lenses though, but i think those don't really enlarge, they just make your eyes glowy. i must get used to a natural look again.

today is the last week of proper lessons (although there will be revision) and i am so sad!! i feel like my knowledge has not increased at all! and exams are coming soon. exams are still more than a month away, but time passes so so so fast! it zooms by and i cannot keep up!

i really wonder what do people expect of me. many times i think i do not live up to people's expectations. it's not a bad thing, but neither is it necessarily a good thing either. i feel so detached from everything. i don't choose to be detached, i find it so hard to play along with the rest of the world.

i realise im getting to know myself better.

i realise i am not kind hearted, i don't care about a lot of things. receiving help from others is a privilege, not a right. however, i am against people imposing on others, doing things at the expense of others. it's ok that you come into this world and leave this world without leaving anything behind. it is NOT ok when you come into this world and make life hell for others. of cuz, making the world a better place with your presence here is ideal, but i am not so noble to do that.

i once thought that it is cuz there's a good side of me and that's why i believe in being environmentally friendly and taking the effort to be nice to the people around me. now i know that that is not the reason. i just don't wish to leave any negativity behind (although im sure i left a lot behind). i don't wish to make life worse for others. hurting others intentionally is against my morals. this includes direct and indirect ways. e.g. harming the environment is hurting others indirectly, and being indifferent to the harm you are causing IS WRONG in my eyes. however, having a positive effect on others isn't something i am tring to achieve either.

but of cuz, there are times i will help out of compassion. but it is hard to make me want to do so. but there are times when i do actually feel enough to want to make the world a better place. but those times are few and far in between. during the meantime, i'll make sure i am neutral and leave nothing behind, no burden for others to carry on my behalf. but that isn't very easy to achieve. i do admire compassionate people though. but ive come to terms with the fact that i am not one, at least for the moment.

to me, before you think about helping others, think about reducing the harm you do to others first. many people think they are making a positive difference in the world, but they seem to have forgotten about any negativity they are creating in the meanwhile too. many times, the negativity they create totally outweighs the positivity generated. it is way harder to get rid of negativity than create positivity.

ok i think i need to explain myself further before people start getting the wrong idea about me and start thinking i am mean, heartless or anything. i do the same 'good things' that apparently 'good people' do. take recycling for example. people do recycling, they think it's good for the environment and feel good about themselves and tell themselves well done they have made a positive effect.

but to me, i feel i have not made a positive effect. all i did was to negate the negativity i did in the first place. say you buy an item. by doing so you have used plastic packaging and it harmed the environment. you think you done good, but recycling doesn't make the world a better place, all you have done was to minimise the damage you're causing. like it or not, this is the truth.

nothing to be proud of 'doing good things'. doing 'good things' is a given, it's the basic you should be doing. you're just paying the price for your existence on earth because just by existing we are harming the world everyday. too bad many people are not even achieving this very basic standard.

ive not updated in such a long time.

i just made an order for a Dell XPS 8000 computer today. i really need a new computer!! the sound for this computer has died last week. this computer is almost 6 years old!! it is dying a slow death. but it has managed to last so long haha. i will miss it!

well, but i really need sound!!!! so it has to go. my dad is subsidising my purchase by 800, i have to fork out the rest myself.

I AM SO BROKE!!!

BROKE!
BROKE!
BROKE!

seriously i don't think there's anyone more broke than me right now.

my hair looks like a light pinkish copper now. it's no longer pink, not exactly peach, it has a rustic dimension (this doesn't sound quite right but i can't find the right words) to it. it's like, a slightly metallic salmon colour, if that makes any sense.

anyway i hope to be able to earn lots of money in future, so that my dad can retire! i won't be able to reach his income level for at quite a number of years, probably many years, but i hope he can retire soon because i think his job as an engineer is not the safest :(

anyway ive been running over 2.8km twice a week for the past two weeks. im hoping to lose some weight, im a big blob of flabby fat!

anyway here are some of my pictures from japan! haha im copying sherlene, whatever! my face looks so fat in some of them!!!! X____X my face isn't so fat in real life as you can see in my videos, i think the picture is distorted X____X it looks especially fat in verticle pictures. will post some more another day. i like my pictures in my mom's camera! i don't have them with me now though.

this is at shirakawa go, the village featured in that weird anime where there are parallel time lines and weird murders. i dunno it's name.






here's hirayu. it's a beautiful onsen village, one of the five oku hida villages. more pictures another day.



the waterfall is its main attraction. people visit this place more for the onsen. and there's also a turtle research facility at the end of the village!! it was pretty surprising! visitors can walk in and enter the section where they keep the turtles. the turtles look pretty scary though! and there's warning signs not to put your hand into their enclosures cuz the turtles can bite.






they are freaky!!

and here's murodou, one of the peaks in the mt tateyama-kurobe dam alpine route. it's 2450m above sea level and very very very cold (around 5 degrees celcius in the day, i think it drops to below 0 at night) during bad weather in summer! and extremely foggy sometimes too! the moment we arrived there, you totally cannot see the lodge although it's only a few hundred metres away. you have to find your way by following the poles stuck into the ground, and you can only see a maximum of 2 poles in front of you, probably about 10 metres away. but the weather cleared up on the 3rd day there and it was very clear and not so cold anymore.








and at a train station in shinano omachi, just a transit point for us.


ok byebye!!
i really need to study and i cannot seem to concentrate! my mind is floating somewhere else.

my computer will arrive in a week hopefully! i can't watch any video till then.

i cannot understand people!

the things people do baffle me.

do people do things to be cool?
do they do things to show to the world an image they wanna present?
is there a need to be outrageous?

it may very well be them, but i don't think so.

and i know that the day of your 21st birthday is a milestone in your life, you want it big, you want it grand.

but is it fair to me to attend a party where i know no one? i am not a sociable person. i find it hard to talk to new people. i can't even talk much to acquaintances (people whom most people would consider 'friends' but are not close friends, to me they aren't friends, just acquaintances. we may be in the same class for years, spoken more than 100 sentences, but i cannot bring myself to call most people i know friends.)

do people realise the situations they put others through?

and i definitely don't wanna be at a party to make up the numbers.

yesterday i bought wacom's INTUOS 4 TABLET!!!!!!!!



:D :D :D :D

im so happy!!!!!

i got a medium sized one.

it burned one huge giant hole in my pocket!!

but im happy! :D i finally have a tablet, and the intuos 4 is really good!

ok ive not used it yet, i have to wait till i buy a new computer i am still waiting for windows 7 to come out it's being so slow and for the meantime i have no choice but to put up with this 7 year old computer because i just refuse to buy vista!

i would have bought a new computer a long long time ago if it wasn't for vista. don't tell me mac, rouhua. ipods explode, remember? (actually i use ipods, haha)

but i tested it out and it was very very very good!!!! now i can do pretty drawings on the computer!! i have been suffering with a mouse for too long! and all these while all my drawings have pretty much remained on paper, finally i can do them on the computer!

now i want corel painter 11.
but i am too broke to afford one now. i still need to buy a computer once windows 7 is out. but i got adobe photoshop and illustrator CS4, so it doesn't really matter i guess. im just being greedy especially i am no professional! haha

please donate to me!

i am itching to bleach my hair again!!!! it is patchy now! my hair is multicolored according to rouhua!

i got sweet milk tea and chiffon pink from beauteen, im deciding which one i should use next. i think i will cut my hair first before i dye it, im scared there will not be enough dye!

i don't know why, but blogger seems to be both messed up in firefox and IE. has been for quite some time.

anyway i dyed my hair pink on thursday.


ok i don't look absolutely ugly in it or anything, but i look like a retarded cosplayer now. and as you can see, part of my face, my neck and my shirt were dyed pink in the process. anyway underneath all the pink there's a lot of black roots haha.

but since then ive been trying to fade the pink into a light pink. ive been washing my hair with my soap that strips color like crazy, the bubbles turn pink, the water turns pink, but my hair is still pretty bright after i wash it. in fact i wash it twice with soap each time i shower, and today it's become a rosy pink, it's no longer that crazy hot pink.

i miss gold hair. i'll stick to light blond~light brown in future. pink is too much.

watched management last friday. it's not bad.

watched bruno today! :D vassup!
(btw i like the sound of german. i don't like the sound of french. i wish i could speak german! ich spreche ein bisshen deutsch. vassever, i think that's so wrong haha. i can't remember basic german i learnt two years ago.)

anyway i think kichise michiko is so so so so so so gorgeous x 100000000000!






i first saw her in liar game, and now she's in bloody monday.

i think she's so pretty!! and i think she looks unconventional. and she has a lot a lot a lot of charisma!

i also like sasaki nozomi


she's second from left here


i think she's the prettiest japanese ive seen! (on the other hand, kichise michiko is beautiful rather than pretty although she's still very pretty)

more of my pink hair. as you can see it's not as bright anymore. but still too pink for my liking.

with flash


and in the sunlight

yeah i suck at dyeing and so you still can see some brown spots haha.

and my pink hair video!


im speaking really softly cuz my family is at home and i don't want them to think im crazy talking to myself. turn the speakers louder. im soft but my words are clear!